The Secret Sauce of Inner Work

Emotional Vulnerability.

We simply can't go deep without it.

All the best stuff happens when we're emotionally vulnerable...

Humility.

Gratitude.

Care.

Joy.

Love.

But we've also learned that vulnerability is where the painful stuff lives, too.

It's no wonder that most of us have suppressed our vulnerability.

Reducing my feelings of vulnerability was a smart decision at the time I made it. And it was an active strategy for most of my life.

It's what our egos try to do every day...to keep us safe by creating emotional distance, in case I'm rejected or neglected or abandoned or criticized or hurt again.

The emotional distance I create gives me a feeling of control, and that feels safer than feeling out of control and subject to the whims of those around me. 

So we learn to not be vulnerable out of necessity. It was the best strategy we had, with limited options available. After all, we were young children at the time that these coping strategies and defense mechanisms were installed in our tender young nervous system.

Reducing our vulnerability calmed our central nervous system, which was in overdrive. Whether it was a parent's emotional unavailability or some type of abuse or trauma, reducing our vulnerability is a way that we as humans cope with fear and hurt in our lives.

But there's a downside...a cost. If we don't allow ourselves to be vulnerable, if we don't give permission for us to fully feel our own emotions...any of them...fear, anger, sadness, shame...then by extension we lose our power to experience some of our own emotions.

Our emotions are part of our somatic (body-based) wisdom. They are extremely valuable for a variety of reasons...we'll talk more about that in a future post. For now, let's just say that when we repress our uncomfortable feelings...when we put up a wall to the hurting parts of ourselves...then we block out access to our own self-love and self-compassion, too.

And not having access to this emotional wisdom keeps us in a loop of shame. 

At some point along the journey, we stumble into the realization that we are powerful only to the extent that we can tolerate our own feelings of vulnerability.

When we lean into this...when we start to notice that indeed, there are fears driving me beneath my conscious awareness...only then can I begin the journey towards greater consciousness and a more healthy masculine expression, one which is less confined and more liberated from early conditioning and unmetabolized trauma patterns.

Only in my vulnerability am I truly myself.

James

Next Steps...

If part of you longs for emotional freedom and the rest of you is terrified of vulnerability, then what's needed is more communication between these two parts of you.

I facilitate a Somatic BreakThrough Dialogue guided journey where you meet parts of yourself in a new way. You become more aware of the many subtle cues in your body...in your somatic awareness...in your felt sense of your internal landscape.

Part meditation, part guided journey, all interactive exploration. We start to pay attention to subtle nuances in how you feel in your body, in the sensations there, in your emotional felt sense of safety, connection, and capacity.

We begin to track changes in the emotional body during key conversations.

We begin to monitor your central nervous system to see what triggers you into the threat response...into the Fight/Run/Hide/Freeze/Collapse choice points that are built into the biological code of all mammals.

When your threat response is triggered (and it usually is when you feel vulnerable), then your unconscious chooses a Fight/Run/Hide/Freeze/Collapse strategy, and your body receives a huge release of cortisol and other neurotransmitters.

This chemical bath is tailored for the situation to give the nervous system instructions and energy to help get you out of trouble.

When you understand this process and how it works in your body, and you become aware of your own preferred threat strategies, then you can begin to manage them more effectively.

You learn how to become aware of your triggers sooner. You learn what to do about it and how to resolve it quickly and with compassion.

You start to see your patterns of behavior and unmet needs...needs that have been begging for your attention perhaps all of your life.

You begin to follow your own somatic and imaginal insights and experiences and you get you in touch with the wisdom of your unconscious...of your body and your heart as well as your mind...in order to gain valuable information for your journey.

I offer a FREE Somatic BreakThrough Journey upon request. It's my way of paying it forward for all of the amazing mentoring and facilitation I've received in my life.

You can schedule your FREE 60 minute Somatic BreakThrough Journey here:

Free "Experience a BreakThrough" Guided Journey